CHAD AND WAYNE AND GRAYSON
CHAD AND WAYNE AND GRAYSON
Grayson McGill is a fearless five year old who underwent open heart surgery in his first week of life. He has spent every day since battling against a rare metabolic disorder called Maple Syrup Urine Disease (MSUD). Grayson’s daily survival is dependent upon vigilant monitoring by his parents and a team of doctors. The story of Grayson and his courageous battle with MSUD is well documented, as is the love of his parents, Chad Farquharson and Wayne McGill. So bound by love they are, that we affectionately call them CHAYSON. Two dads and their son. They are a team. A loving force that impacts the lives of others. They are a family.
While they face and conquer relentless challenges on a daily basis, the impressive thing about these men is how much time they make for others. Sharing Grayson’s story and volunteering an enormous amount of time at the BC Children’s Hospital is their way of improving the lives of people in similar situations.
Along the way, Grayson has shared BIGLOVEBALL and hand written love notes with hundreds of children facing daunting challenges just like him. He does so with unbridled enthusiasm, connecting with anyone in his path. It is clear to Chad and Wayne that this is empowering for Grayson. Since his first day of life, Grayson has been the epicentre of loving parents, extended family and countless medical professionals, all caring for this little soldier. It is healing for him to give back some of the intense feelings directed toward him on a daily basis.
As important as it is to receive love, it is as important to have your love received by others. The balance makes us well.
Grayson McGill is a fearless five year old who underwent open heart surgery in his first week of life. He has spent every day since battling against a rare metabolic disorder called Maple Syrup Urine Disease (MSUD). Grayson’s daily survival is dependent upon vigilant monitoring by his parents and a team of doctors. The story of Grayson and his courageous battle with MSUD is well documented, as is the love of his parents, Chad Farquharson and Wayne McGill. So bound by love they are, that we affectionately call them CHAYSON. Two dads and their son. They are a team. A loving force that impacts the lives of others. They are a family.
While they face and conquer relentless challenges on a daily basis, the impressive thing about these men is how much time they make for others. Sharing Grayson’s story and volunteering an enormous amount of time at the BC Children’s Hospital is their way of improving the lives of people in similar situations.
Along the way, Grayson has shared BIGLOVEBALL and hand written love notes with hundreds of children facing daunting challenges just like him. He does so with unbridled enthusiasm, connecting with anyone in his path. It is clear to Chad and Wayne that this is empowering for Grayson. Since his first day of life, Grayson has been the epicentre of loving parents, extended family and countless medical professionals, all caring for this little soldier. It is healing for him to give back some of the intense feelings directed toward him on a daily basis.
in the words of chad…
in the words of chad…
My husband, Wayne, always wanted to be a father, whereas I favoured our double-income-no-kids lifestyle. Being a dad was not something I saw for myself – I just didn’t have that longing. I was very uncomfortable around newborns and uncertain that I would even like parenting. But my husband persisted, and persisted…for a decade! The idea grew on me each year, little by little, and so I eventually agreed to start adoption classes, with the end goal of a local Canadian adoption. In case you are doing the math, yes, we are two dads.
It took 2.5 years after we completed our required home study and classroom courses before we were chosen. In Canada, there are so few children placed for adoption that the birth mom gets to handpick the family. As the saying goes ‘when it rains, it pours’ – years of nothing and then we were picked three times, back-to-back.
The first birth mom miscarried early in the pregnancy. A month later we were picked again but she changed her mind prior to birth. To have both opportunities fall through was devastating. We considered giving up on the idea of being parents and thought about pulling our names from the adoption pool. But we held out, giving ourselves another 6 months.
Weeks later we were picked again and we knew this was the one. The birth mom was amazingly strong, and we connected right away. The relationship built over two months but it would be put to the test immediately after he was born. Our son, Grayson, needed immediate open-heart surgery on day four of life. Four hours after surgery the doctors pulled us into the boardroom and told us that Grayson also had a rare genetic metabolic condition, Maple Syrup Urine Disease (MSUD) – named because of the sweet smell of his urine. It meant that he may already have brain damage as individuals with MSUD are missing a liver enzyme to safely break down protein and so a toxic and lethal build up occurs. We had been feeding him normal formula for four days, rich in protein, which of course in hindsight, was extremely dangerous.
The next morning, I changed my mind. I committed to Grayson. My husband never wavered, he just allowed me to get there myself. In hindsight I realized that this choice, the act of choosing, was a unique position to be in. It helped us quickly work through the onslaught of decisions and to actively take charge of our journey.
We met with the psychology department and had a therapist, which helped us get a handle on our fears, anger, sadness etc. We then moved into super-dad mode. And what does super dad mode look like? Well, as just one example, our province was the only one in Canada that didn’t cover low-protein foods. The $10,000/year medical formula was free but the foods were not. So my husband stood outside the local big-box grocery store and collected signatures from shoppers. We then presented the petition to our local MLA (Member of Legislative Assembly). This petition was to get coverage for his food – pancake mix alone is $62 so you can see why coverage mattered…not just for now, but for later when Grayson was adult himself. Within the year, we had coverage for our son.
We networked with the fundraising arm of our Children’s Hospital and we have participated in telethons, black tie galas, and corporate speaking engagements. Our motivation is two-fold. Of course we want to help the hospital that saves our son’s life each week – we were there 72 times last year getting his blood analyzed and going to check-up appointments. But we also want to raise awareness for MSUD because if we don’t share our story, who else will talk about the disease?
According to all the tests and assessments, Grayson is hitting all his milestones. We have him in swim class, gym class and he goes to preschool three days a week. Although he eats three ‘normal’ looking meals a day, we have had to use databases and spreadsheets to determine the protein value of each morsel of food and have weighed the entire thing on a scale, to the gram, calculating the amino acids in protein to the milligram.
In plain language, a single egg contains about 8 grams of protein, whereas today, Grayson will have 10.4 grams of protein exposure.
From the outside looking in, we look like a TV cast – two metro gay dads with a shockingly handsome and stylish four year old. Four years ago, on the day my son was born, I didn’t even know how to hold him – the floppy necks of all babies terrified me. Three days later, he looked like he belonged to the Borg collective, with all the surgical tubes and wires coming out of him. I realized that day that if I didn’t hold him, and hold him tight, I may never get the chance again. Each day, he proved me wrong, he wasn’t weak and frail, he has immense strength and is a fighter.
I genuinely didn’t know what to expect from fatherhood, and so I guess I was a clean slate. I honestly figured I’d be the teacher and my son would learn from my self-proclaimed-wisdom. I am happy to report I was woefully wrong. My son is my teacher. He is stronger than anyone I have ever met, and that teaches me to be strong. He is resilient in the face of adversity and teaches me to be resilient. He is kind and smart and thoughtful, and not just when it is easy. He is still a four a year, make no mistake, but overall he has courage and hope and a spirit of joy that helps shape me into the dad I want to become.
I have also learned that being a dad is a juggling act. I can’t neglect my other life responsibilities of being a husband, an employee, or a friend, yet I must always be a father first.
Our journey is unknown and we live in a heightened level of stress that has somehow become a new normal, yet I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being a dad is by far the best thing to happen to me.
My husband, Wayne, always wanted to be a father, whereas I favoured our double-income-no-kids lifestyle. Being a dad was not something I saw for myself – I just didn’t have that longing. I was very uncomfortable around newborns and uncertain that I would even like parenting. But my husband persisted, and persisted…for a decade! The idea grew on me each year, little by little, and so I eventually agreed to start adoption classes, with the end goal of a local Canadian adoption. In case you are doing the math, yes, we are two dads.
It took 2.5 years after we completed our required home study and classroom courses before we were chosen. In Canada, there are so few children placed for adoption that the birth mom gets to handpick the family. As the saying goes ‘when it rains, it pours’ – years of nothing and then we were picked three times, back-to-back.
The first birth mom miscarried early in the pregnancy. A month later we were picked again but she changed her mind prior to birth. To have both opportunities fall through was devastating. We considered giving up on the idea of being parents and thought about pulling our names from the adoption pool. But we held out, giving ourselves another 6 months.
Weeks later we were picked again and we knew this was the one. The birth mom was amazingly strong, and we connected right away. The relationship built over two months but it would be put to the test immediately after he was born. Our son, Grayson, needed immediate open-heart surgery on day four of life. Four hours after surgery the doctors pulled us into the boardroom and told us that Grayson also had a rare genetic metabolic condition, Maple Syrup Urine Disease (MSUD) – named because of the sweet smell of his urine. It meant that he may already have brain damage as individuals with MSUD are missing a liver enzyme to safely break down protein and so a toxic and lethal build up occurs. We had been feeding him normal formula for four days, rich in protein, which of course in hindsight, was extremely dangerous.
The next morning, I changed my mind. I committed to Grayson. My husband never wavered, he just allowed me to get there myself. In hindsight I realized that this choice, the act of choosing, was a unique position to be in. It helped us quickly work through the onslaught of decisions and to actively take charge of our journey.
We met with the psychology department and had a therapist, which helped us get a handle on our fears, anger, sadness etc. We then moved into super-dad mode. And what does super dad mode look like? Well, as just one example, our province was the only one in Canada that didn’t cover low-protein foods. The $10,000/year medical formula was free but the foods were not. So my husband stood outside the local big-box grocery store and collected signatures from shoppers. We then presented the petition to our local MLA (Member of Legislative Assembly). This petition was to get coverage for his food – pancake mix alone is $62 so you can see why coverage mattered…not just for now, but for later when Grayson was adult himself. Within the year, we had coverage for our son.
We networked with the fundraising arm of our Children’s Hospital and we have participated in telethons, black tie galas, and corporate speaking engagements. Our motivation is two-fold. Of course we want to help the hospital that saves our son’s life each week – we were there 72 times last year getting his blood analyzed and going to check-up appointments. But we also want to raise awareness for MSUD because if we don’t share our story, who else will talk about the disease?
According to all the tests and assessments, Grayson is hitting all his milestones. We have him in swim class, gym class and he goes to preschool three days a week. Although he eats three ‘normal’ looking meals a day, we have had to use databases and spreadsheets to determine the protein value of each morsel of food and have weighed the entire thing on a scale, to the gram, calculating the amino acids in protein to the milligram.
In plain language, a single egg contains about 8 grams of protein, whereas today, Grayson will have 10.4 grams of protein exposure.
From the outside looking in, we look like a TV cast – two metro gay dads with a shockingly handsome and stylish four year old. Four years ago, on the day my son was born, I didn’t even know how to hold him – the floppy necks of all babies terrified me. Three days later, he looked like he belonged to the Borg collective, with all the surgical tubes and wires coming out of him. I realized that day that if I didn’t hold him, and hold him tight, I may never get the chance again. Each day, he proved me wrong, he wasn’t weak and frail, he has immense strength and is a fighter.
I genuinely didn’t know what to expect from fatherhood, and so I guess I was a clean slate. I honestly figured I’d be the teacher and my son would learn from my self-proclaimed-wisdom. I am happy to report I was woefully wrong. My son is my teacher. He is stronger than anyone I have ever met, and that teaches me to be strong. He is resilient in the face of adversity and teaches me to be resilient. He is kind and smart and thoughtful, and not just when it is easy. He is still a four a year, make no mistake, but overall he has courage and hope and a spirit of joy that helps shape me into the dad I want to become.
I have also learned that being a dad is a juggling act. I can’t neglect my other life responsibilities of being a husband, an employee, or a friend, yet I must always be a father first.
Our journey is unknown and we live in a heightened level of stress that has somehow become a new normal, yet I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being a dad is by far the best thing to happen to me.
